All at once it's everything, all at once it's nothing at all.

You know what, I didn't totally believe what she told me. I mean what do you expect me to do? I have a hundred of unanswered questions on my mind till now. And if she could give me a reason or a answer, why things turned out the way it is now. Or even telling me things to know you better. Why can't I listen? I admit, I don't know you well enough, oh wait. I don't even know what kind of person you are. But I always have a good impression of you since the first day I met you, and even till today. After so much had happened, so much changes. That is one thing that I'm very sure that's not going to change. 

But she is your friend, she know so much of you, more than I do. And since she could be in my shoes, and able to give me answers for everything that I had been struggling to know, struggling to put aside everyday why I can't listen? You know how much I wish I could hear it from you instead of her? How much I wish you will tell me, that she just spouting nonsense and stand up for yourself. But you know, it just reminded me we are not talking anymore. I used to be very sure of everything, everything that used to make me happy. I used to believe that something will worked out. And happiness will finally stay in my life for once. I'm no longer have to go to bed, with thoughts of when will I ever be as happy as everyone else. I used to believe in everything that is happening in my life,  even though everyone else don't. No one was standing on my side, but I didn't give up. Until that day, when everything start falling apart, I realized there is no such thing as happiness. You did make me happy, but it didn't last. I believe everything you said. And you know what It didn't happen at all. It was just a dream. Everything was just a  dream. 

I don't trust easily. I don't trust anyone so much anymore. I've been through enough shit all these time and learnt that trusting people easily will harm myself. But I trusted you. I did. After my girls, the next person that I trusted was you. You could just asked me about what happened, I will tell you. You don't have to insult me in that way. I will tell you every single thing I know. What is so hard for you to be on talking terms with me again? You just don't know that there is so much I wish I could tell you right now. And it hurts because it mattered.