What is my definition of happy ending?
I know I deserve it. I could have controlled myself. But I just didn't. So what Joey. So what if it came knocking on my door? Big deal. I knew I was going to fall hard, very hard. I knew I was going to be hurt again. I still go ahead and allow it to happen. I gave him the benefit of doubt. I always think that things might be different this time. He will be different. I need to stop being so silly. After meeting D, and went through so much. Finally getting myself back on track. But I still allow this to happen, I still allow myself to fall again.
If I ever given a chance, I will give up whatever I have now just to go back to days when a random text could actually make me smile. I used to tell myself, is alright, everything will be fine. I will be happy again as long as I save up for something I really like. As long I get something I like for myself. But it doesn't work that way. Material happiness don't last at all. I was happy for a while, so what? After that I'm still as upset as before. Even though my mom pamper me like a princess, I usually get what I want. Even though if I don't. I will save up for it with my own money. But I was never genuinely happy. Never. I just don't get how people are not happy with their life when they have a loving boyfriend, a complete family and a bunch of wonderful friends. Since young till now, I always envy people with complete family. A loving dad and mom and siblings. Dad. I don't really remember having a dad since young. The only thing I can remember was I got slapped by him when I just 6 years old when I was under my aunt's care. And he just simply dislike me, till today I still don't get what I had done wrong. How can someone actually hate their own blood and flesh so much? As for my brother. I wish I could quarrel with my brother like how any of you quarrel with your siblings. I know it sounded stupid. But the problem, we don't even talk to each other at all. For years we had been like this, living under the same roof without talking to each other.
Lastly, I really wish to know if I no longer keep up with you anymore. Does it mean I won't get to see you again? The fear of being strangers with you, just scare me. I never felt so scared of losing someone before. But I guess I ll just never be the kind of girls which are your type. Cause no matter how hard I try, I wont be and its no use. Will anyone actually know understand I feel? )':
1 comment:
You want to know the solutions to all your problems? It isn't being about impressive,it isn't being about attractive. Its about being who you really are,and there are people out there,WHO WILL APPRECIATE YOU FOR THAT AND WHO WILL UNDERSTAND YOU. Guarding your heart is right,but that doesn't mean shunning everyone out,get to know people,know them well. Everyone has their stories and so will you,and yes wounds will heal and leave scars and those scars are going to remind you how you got them every damn day,but you know what? Those are the same scars that will remind you at the same time how you learned to be strong from them,not to repeat the same mistakes,get up from where you've fallen from. Don't envy others,you may not have a perfect family you wish for,but always remember that there are people out there who aren't better off than you are. How to stop envying others? Be happy with what you have,appreciate your ever so loving mother,yes they get naggy,annoying and FUCKED UP many times a day but which mother doesn't wish the best for their children? Moreover you're her only daughter. And LAST BUT NOT LEAST,you have friends like us. YOU KNOW WHO,we care for you and about you,we may not seem to be and sometimes we don't like the things you do but who's perfect anyway? At times we tell you things and hope you understand though we know how hard we try to drill it in you. We understand its hard,but please remember that you have FRIENDS that actually bother about you. Goodnight Joey. X
I JUST SAW YOU TWITTED YOU WERE GOING TO SLEEP. STOP BEING SO EMOTIONAL!!!!!
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