Decisions.

So the letter to collect my Diploma Certificate is finally here. I have no idea whether I'm suppose to be happy that I finally got my Diploma or to be worried that I haven't decide how and where am I going to further my studies. I'm stuck between local private universities or overseas. And if I pick local I only got two choices. MDIS or Kaplan. And obviously I have no intention to continue my studies in MDIS, looking at how fucked up the education system. And I know nothing about Kaplan and I'm not in any way interested in their school. 

I seriously hate making decisions. Especially decisions for my future, what if. Just what if I make the wrong choice? I have so many factors to consider and there is so many things I have to sacrifice. If I choose to go overseas, a new environment I have to make friends all over again. I'm perfectly fine living alone actually. Just that I will miss my family, my babygirls and everyone else I could think of. I have no idea how am I going to cope with all the home sick. Or maybe I will just get use to it? I need to figure out my way around a foreign land myself, how to get around and also the campus. 

And it is not like I could just buy a air ticket and come back anytime I want, it is not that easy. I guess the only advantage I could think of is that I could concentrate better on my studies? I get distracted too easily. And since I'm all alone, there is nothing else I can do but to study my nights&days away? I can't possible sneak out alone or whatsoever right? 

Sometimes when things get tough, I always wish that I could get a one way ticket to anywhere as long as I'm out of this country. There is so much things that happened this year that give me every reason to leave this place. A place filled with painful memories that I don't wish to remember. But there is also reasons for me to stay on. Those happy times I had with the girls and co, those crazy party nights we had. So much so much. I used to think that I have a reason to stay, but now I don't. Not anymore. And now it is one of the reason for me to leave. No one ever know how much I hate "distance". Being so far away, miles away from home, from everyone that mean so much to me. How much changes will there be? What if things no longer be the same, when I come back? I really can't decide, and I'm suppose to be sleeping at 3am in the morning instead of thinking so much at this hour. 


Goodnight, with a heavy heart. X.